Hey you selfish lovers...
February 12th 2007 00:07
Hi,
little post about a discussion i had with a friend these days. One of her friends had just broke her 5 years relation to his boyfriend, and was quite sad. Thus we had a pretty discusion on the matter, and i had to write the conclusions here before start my incursion in "wisdom"...
Most of people (actually i think everybody...) are sad when someone breaks up with them. It's normal, they loved this someone, they liked to have them by their sides, they loved them. Oh love, this pretty verb that mean averything and nothing at the same time...
When they brake up they have problems to live with that, asking "why did she broke up with me?", " what have i done that was wrong?", etc., and sometimes they end up hating the ones they once loved...
The thing is: in the end, if you really love the person, you have to get out of yourself (have "pensée élargie" ) to be able to love this person enough to tell yourself that "if he's not happy with me, it's better to end it anyway". Otherwise you would be selfish, and that's where most of people get. In the end, people are all selfish, and if you explain them this way of thinking, they'll tell you that it is you that never "really loved" someone.....
It's quite tuff for people to let go, they normally need to be loved to fell important. Maybe because of this they're sad in the end. Not because of the other, but because when they were left by someone important for them, they feel like not being important at all. He he, all they need is to be loved, and not to love...i think this explains why so many people stop "loving" the other when they feel they have them in their hands...
Anyway, "to love" is quite vague as a verb. The best thing would maybe redefine it as "a selfish feeling of need for people", and thus people would stop to "love" others and start to like them. Or maybe love the others as mummy loves them..
Cheers.
little post about a discussion i had with a friend these days. One of her friends had just broke her 5 years relation to his boyfriend, and was quite sad. Thus we had a pretty discusion on the matter, and i had to write the conclusions here before start my incursion in "wisdom"...
Most of people (actually i think everybody...) are sad when someone breaks up with them. It's normal, they loved this someone, they liked to have them by their sides, they loved them. Oh love, this pretty verb that mean averything and nothing at the same time...
When they brake up they have problems to live with that, asking "why did she broke up with me?", " what have i done that was wrong?", etc., and sometimes they end up hating the ones they once loved...
The thing is: in the end, if you really love the person, you have to get out of yourself (have "pensée élargie" ) to be able to love this person enough to tell yourself that "if he's not happy with me, it's better to end it anyway". Otherwise you would be selfish, and that's where most of people get. In the end, people are all selfish, and if you explain them this way of thinking, they'll tell you that it is you that never "really loved" someone.....
It's quite tuff for people to let go, they normally need to be loved to fell important. Maybe because of this they're sad in the end. Not because of the other, but because when they were left by someone important for them, they feel like not being important at all. He he, all they need is to be loved, and not to love...i think this explains why so many people stop "loving" the other when they feel they have them in their hands...
Anyway, "to love" is quite vague as a verb. The best thing would maybe redefine it as "a selfish feeling of need for people", and thus people would stop to "love" others and start to like them. Or maybe love the others as mummy loves them..
Cheers.
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Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
-- I find love very hard to talk about -- it's so vague a word.
-- I think people are both selfish and non-selfish. Or, speaking more exactly, it's the gene that's selfish, not the person. There are instincts towards self-sacrifice in humans, and towards putting other interests (for instance, those of your child, or of the group) above your own.
Comment by Uula Limanski
Thinking The World
completely agree. The problem is that plenty of people think more with their genes (or instincts) then with their heads. I've seen this by talking to people, and most of them never think the way i show in the post.
Comment by Adrian
Philosophy Blog
Consider, for instance, the way that an emotion of fear is useful.
Or consider the fact that you need premises to reason with in the first place, and those premises have to come from outside reason.
Comment by Uula Limanski
Thinking The World
as you said, there's an interest in having emotions. But you don't use your emotions to decide your actions all the time. When you go to the dentist, i don't think you enjoy having that guy sticking plenty of stuff in your mouth, but your reason tells you to do this...so, emotions are important as input data from "real', but they have to be filtered, processed,or whatever, to be well used.
The same goes for instincts. If you take only your reason into account, you won't have any "grand style" in life..your body needs to be well feeded, you need to sleep well and, of course, have good sex sometimes. This is important for anyone that wants to develop well in life...we have plenty of cases of people who miss one of these and have problems...
So, my conclusion would be that you have to take emotions into account to interpret "real", that's for sure. But still, reason is what will treat this "data" and help you act well, make the good decisions, etc.
cheers!